#1 06-26-2007 5:06 am

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Registered: 06-14-2007
Posts: 2
Karmojo: 35

june in progess

Okay, I need some new eyes on this.  smile  Be as picky as you like... Thanks!

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#2 06-26-2007 5:51 am

From: Southern California
Registered: 06-12-2007
Posts: 299
Karmojo: 79

Re: june in progess

Very slick job here and subtle too which is a big plus for this piece. I do have a slight issue with the acting in that she appears to have very little emotion thoughout the piece and also that most of the time she's talking to nothing in particular, which I've been taught is a bad thing. My advice would be to advance her facial expressions toward more sad as time goes on, and also focus her eyes on something, maybe her hands, or have them dart back once more to the person she's addressing at the beggining.

Once again, very nice work so far.



#3 06-26-2007 6:37 am

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From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: 06-12-2007
Posts: 33
Karmojo: 32

Re: june in progess

really nice, I agree that the face needs to be pushed more and when she has her realization on 'a life' it seems a bit sharp and jerky, especially the micro anticipation in her shoulder. It looks more like a pop.

I think it's the best one so far.

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes... then you'll have his shoes and be to far away to care".



#4 06-26-2007 2:11 pm

Registered: 05-29-2007
Posts: 1311
Karmojo: 35

Re: june in progess

Hey Eileen!  big_smile  Wow, this is great!  You've really gotten a handle on the subtle acting stuff.  Your polishing is looking fantastic, too.  Her left shoulder does have a tiny jerk on it near the end, and the hands go dead after a while on the table (excellent hand poses, though!  maybe have her rub her fingers against each other or something), but this is looking really great already.  I think the main issue here is the lipsync, you're nailing the "F" and "V" shapes, but a lot of the vowels aren't working, I think you're going to need wider shapes for the "A" and "I" sounds, and I'm missing the "L" on "live in".  I think another pass with the mouth shapes would really kick this up a notch, but don't lose the great F's and V's you've already got!  I do agree that she should have more purpose in where she's looking, too, I like how she starts off looking at someone, then down at the table while she thinks, but I'm not sure what she's looking at or why at the end. 

Really great job though, looking forward to seeing this finaled!



#5 06-26-2007 2:37 pm

From: New York
Registered: 06-11-2007
Posts: 22
Karmojo: 29

Re: june in progess

Hey Eileen,

Lookin good, the poses and beats you hit with the body fit the dialogue, and are nicely timed.  I agree with other people's comments that the face could be pushed more.  I'm not sure how expressive that facial rig is, but if you could push those expressions to be more contrasty--think about how much her voice changes from beginning to end.  Really push the horror of her realization, or whatever direction you want to take it.  Also, to go with what Aja mentioned on the lip sync, try to make her mouth shapes more contrasty too.  If the rig allows it, I think the face should expand more in the wide-narrow shapes--wider on things like "life".

Kyle Mohr | Character Animator



#6 06-27-2007 4:04 am

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Registered: 06-13-2007
Posts: 18
Karmojo: 31

Re: june in progess

looking great!
just a suggestion, at the last part where she looks forward in her direction, you could have her look at where she was looking at 2 sec? it feels she is talking to a person in that direction?



#7 06-28-2007 12:00 am

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Registered: 06-16-2007
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Karmojo: 48
Power Voter

Re: june in progess


I really like the subtlty(sp) in this clip.  I would also like to see her look towards the other direction as well, it does feel like that where the individual she's talking too would be at.  I couldn't suggest anything really,  exept for something that's subtle like this, the attention is drawn directly to the face.  Really push the facial work on this and i'd call it rockin'.

"Frustration is the handmaiden of creativity" ~ Chuck Jones



#8 06-29-2007 10:59 am

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Registered: 06-15-2007
Posts: 61
Karmojo: 32

Re: june in progess

Hey really good going
I think  Make your second poses read in an instant I m talking about Silhouette....  and last part acting need punch  It should be more sad give more strong  pose in such way that she  really don't have any wish to live...



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