#1 08-07-2017 1:26 am

AskewAnimation
From: United States - Tennessee
Registered: 02-03-2016
Posts: 14

August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

Here's my key blocking for the August competition. I'm hoping to get some feedback, on cameras and major movements. I really want to do well this month, and I hear that getting feedback early and often is crucial. My concept is that he's a slam poet reciting the piece. Does it read well?

https://vimeo.com/228604266

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#2 08-07-2017 6:19 am

jjakeangelo
Registered: 01-20-2013
Posts: 50

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

hello AskewAnimation,

it's not that clear to me what's happening what the shot is all about Maybe you put too much key poses at this point in my opinion. that's the first thing I noticed but still looking forward to the finish piece. happy animating. Good luck!

Last edited by jjakeangelo (08-07-2017 6:27 am)

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#3 08-07-2017 9:37 am

Dani Calleja
Registered: 12-17-2013
Posts: 3

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

Good start.
I would say the pointy finger on 'see if you can sPOT him' comes a bit late (like 2 frames or so)
Notice that I'm writing '... sPOT ...' since the P-O-T are the accent and this is when you're expecting to have the pointy finger to happen if that makes sense.
Keep it up!

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#4 08-07-2017 5:43 pm

AskewAnimation
From: United States - Tennessee
Registered: 02-03-2016
Posts: 14

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

Jjake, you're right. I put too many poses to say keys. There were quite a few breakdowns. It's a poet on a stage walking out towards the audience, and I wanted all my contact poses in early. After I add some more breakdowns and extremes, I think it will read much better.
And thanks to you too, Dani, I updated my timing on that finger point, it looks much better.

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#5 08-10-2017 12:00 am

AskewAnimation
From: United States - Tennessee
Registered: 02-03-2016
Posts: 14

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

OK, I think I've made it much clearer. I've added in some an additional camera shot, and some pans, and I've fleshed out the animation and timing a little. Hopefully it's easier to read and understand exactly what's going on in the scene. If not, it's a slam poetry reading. I may not be able to include the crowd before the end of the month.

https://vimeo.com/229056761

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#6 08-10-2017 10:45 am

Dani Calleja
Registered: 12-17-2013
Posts: 3

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

Hi.

Since you speak about cameras and your animation is still in an early stage, can you explain what story you are trying to tell by using that double backwards dolly?

It's usually fine if you want to reveal something that is on the set and is important for the story.
Some other times is fine to use it if you want to sell that your characters feels lonely, but bugs me a bit that it doesn't seems to tell anything in your case. Also, why is the cut happening at that exact moment?

Not saying you have to kill your current shooting, but we are usually so focused on poses and animations that we never take care about what the cameras are telling to the audience.

Take your very last shot as an example. His eyes are in the middle of the frame and you have a lot of negative space on top of his head. Doesn't seems to be respectful with the rule of thirds.
Also, by using a more exaggerated lens to force perspective (let's say 14 to 28mm?) when he's pointing with his fingers mimicking a gun while having the camera banking would add a more interesting framing.
I don't think you need to show the set as much as you're showing it now.

Think about cameras not as a tool to frame your character, but as a way to tell a story. If that story matches with your character's story, then you will have a stronger acting for him!

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#7 08-18-2017 3:12 am

AskewAnimation
From: United States - Tennessee
Registered: 02-03-2016
Posts: 14

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

               

Direct Link



My latest version of it. I think I got most of my timing for the first half down. I'm going to try to get a little more done than I have so far, but I got a few prior commitments making it less easy.

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#8 08-29-2017 5:24 am

AskewAnimation
From: United States - Tennessee
Registered: 02-03-2016
Posts: 14

Re: August WIP, Concept to completion WIP requested

Hoping for 1 last critique before I turn in for the month. Be brutal, something's missing and I can't figure out what it is.
https://vimeo.com/231496334

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