#1 05-23-2017 4:30 pm

h_lau
From: UK
Registered: 05-19-2017
Posts: 9

May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Hi everyone! First time poster&submission entry here! Any feedback at all is greatly appreciated smile 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoeMk2S … e=youtu.be

Thank you!

Last edited by h_lau (05-24-2017 2:35 pm)

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#2 05-26-2017 5:12 pm

Boumboum34
Registered: 04-01-2010
Posts: 48

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

You really deserve a response on this one. Sorry you had to wait so long. Your animation is...a difficult one to comment on.

I like your concept; slightly creepy yet also pretty funny, the baker rolling the dough's face out of existence. Definitely one of the more unique concepts this month I bet (not having seen the rest of the entries yet).

This is also a WIP so I'm not sure what you already intend to fix, and what issues you're not aware of.

Two things that stand out the most as needing work: One, there's just not enough frames-per-second in this, giving this a staccato, animatic-like look rather than a smoothly animated one. You want at least 12 drawings per second (that's Saturday Morning TV quality). 24 drawings is better for sheer smoothness of movement. Put in more in-between drawings, that will improve it greatly (perhaps you were already planning to?).

Two, I'm noticing overlapping lines. The "underneath" lines really should be erased. Example, when the dough says "Why...", you see the lines of the roller underneath the hands, and you see the line of a lump of dough underneath the roller. Erase those lines that should be hidden.

One more tip...that lipsyncing. Lip syncing is tough. But here's one thing you can fix as an example. When the baker says "dying", you see he's got an open frown mouth. The mouth shape doesn't match the "eee" sound in "dying". To better match that, sharpen the corners of his mouth a bit and lift them up a tad, as in a very brief small smile.

A chart to help you:
Will Boyer phonemes animation chart

Hope that helps. Your work is really pretty decent overall. Keep going!

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#3 05-28-2017 2:53 pm

h_lau
From: UK
Registered: 05-19-2017
Posts: 9

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Hi, thanks for the response! big_smile
Here's an update on the WIP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxYsL0cgRXU

I've put the lip syncing aside for now whilst I inbetween the frames... but I definitely need more practice in that area, that chart is great!

EDIT: Also, sorry I forgot to mention that my previous WIP was really really rough and was me trying to block out the motions...! I also wanted feedback on my creepy idea haha

Last edited by h_lau (05-28-2017 4:06 pm)

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#4 05-28-2017 5:49 pm

kiwimage
From: France
Registered: 05-04-2013
Posts: 56

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

i really like your idea. It doesn't seam creepy to me.
We can imagine that he is daydreaming, or that it's his subconscious talking to him.

keep going !


"it ain't easy  !" Ollie Johnston

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#5 05-28-2017 7:25 pm

h_lau
From: UK
Registered: 05-19-2017
Posts: 9

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

thanks big_smile My first thought was to have him waking up in the canning factory at the end (to realise that it was a dream)... but I'll have to see if I have enough time to animate that bit!

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#6 05-28-2017 7:31 pm

Boumboum34
Registered: 04-01-2010
Posts: 48

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Definitely looking better. smile Hope you get to finish it in time. Will be one of the stronger entries IMO smile

Some bits still clearly unfinished. Gray lines on the rolling pin, dough still visible underneath the roller, and the rough arm in blue lines. Mouth disappears several times for a few frames. But the gray and blue and the missing mouth denotes parts you're still working on doesn't it? I can imagine you telling me "I know, I know!" Thumbs up!

I really like your entry and your idea. smile Perhaps have the dough look suddenly anxious/afraid about 11 seconds in as his face is being rolled out of existence?

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#7 05-30-2017 10:39 pm

h_lau
From: UK
Registered: 05-19-2017
Posts: 9

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Here's an update! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to5D57p … e=youtu.be

I've added lip syncing and there's no blue lines to be found now haha smile
I liked the idea of the dough looking afraid so I've added a close up shot of it near the end!

This is the final product, so what do you all think? big_smile

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#8 05-31-2017 12:27 am

Boumboum34
Registered: 04-01-2010
Posts: 48

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Much improved! big_smile Looks good to me.

> This is the final product, so what do you all think?

Well isn't *that* the 64 million dollar question? Guess we'll all find out after the judging. Anticipation's a killer, hunh? I think yours is definitely going to be one of the better 2d entries this month. It was fun watching your work evolve. Good luck!

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#9 05-31-2017 9:02 am

h_lau
From: UK
Registered: 05-19-2017
Posts: 9

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

just submitted it, thank you for all your help! big_smile

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#10 05-31-2017 11:42 am

kiwimage
From: France
Registered: 05-04-2013
Posts: 56

Re: May 2017 WIP! Any feedback is welcome!

Good ! Looking pretty cool.

The hand gesture at "that canning factory" is not super fluid. If you chose to continue working on it, I think you could experiment with a drawn motion blur of some sort, for this part. But it wasn't easy.

Good luck to you.


"it ain't easy  !" Ollie Johnston

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