#1 07-06-2013 10:41 am

From: New York, NY
Registered: 01-01-2012
Posts: 148

Can someone tell me what could have been better on this animation?

This is the project I've worked on the June competition from the 11 second club and my score is 3.74. I only received one comment from someone. Can someone tell what needs to be proven this piece, please?

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#2 07-06-2013 11:26 am

Upright Citizen
From: Bristol
Registered: 03-30-2010
Posts: 2041
Karmojo: 47

Re: Can someone tell me what could have been better on this animation?

Few notes, no particular order:

- In the opening, you have big moves from both characters. My eyes don't know what to look at and this continue through the clip
- Lots of popping throughout the characters movement.
- In terms of story, I'm confused why the brother gets angry. Then why he calms at the end
- Each of your key poses need more care. Especially on move.
- Fingers are floaty as they rest on the control
- ik issues in the arms.
- The weight shift on norman feels stiff and robotic
- Root movement in both characters
- You have some nice eye poses at times on norman, but their movement feels wrong.
- The amount of times you break Moom. By this, I mean, you snap his neck, dislocate his shoulders
- Moom is off balance on 'ooh', I can buy this just, due to the cartoony of the clip
- Clarity of pose on 'ut oh'.
- Break up the poses on Norman. Yes, he compliments the looseness of moom's arcs, but he moves like a door and needs more ''torque''.
- The lip sync feels poppy.
- Norman's broken wrist on 'don't get lost'
- What is that movement on 'I got the first one bro'??
- That 'out of order sign' is hard to read
- Though I personally like to judge simply animation, your choice to render makes bad decisions. The colour of the wall is so similar to moom, he gets lost. The patterns are also very busy and distract from the animation.
- Lack of control in body mechanics
- the idea is cliched. I'm sure at least 100 other animators did something similar



#3 07-09-2013 3:21 pm

Model Citizen
Registered: 08-30-2007
Posts: 126
Karmojo: 55

Re: Can someone tell me what could have been better on this animation?

I think you need to go back to your key poses and really work on them and get a stong base to build on. Maybe act it out yourself to see clearly the reality of the poses and compare them to your moom's poses.
I agree with thelittlepenguin84 on the points made.

i do think you have some good facial animation in there, but the mouths are chatty.

Good luck!



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