You are not logged in.
#1 09-09-2012 2:37 pm
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
September Competition
Hey all! First entry here, and after much thought i finally posted it. This is still going through some detail blocking. So some actions like the left fingers towards the end of the clip is a little off.
Appreciate critiques and feedback.
Thanks!
EDIT: Sorry for the missing video link;
Last edited by ElDrith (09-10-2012 2:02 am)
Offline
#2 09-09-2012 4:02 pm
Re: September Competition
Link to the video?
Offline
#3 09-11-2012 2:56 pm
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Stepping into the spline stage. Still seemed abit floaty at some parts. Could help with the pin pointing of where it is
Thanks
Offline
#4 09-13-2012 6:13 am
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Hey all! Another update i did. Took me about 1 1/2 hour to plan out the lip sync and stick it to her. Eye ball is still in spline blocking stage Improved on the shakiness at the start of the video, looks much better now
what ya guys think?
Offline
#5 09-17-2012 5:12 am
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
After a long weekend, another update! This time i fixed her bouncy eyeballs which is a real problem in the previous block. And now its less bouncy! Also with the eye lids and also the brow. Brow's something wrong, cant pin point it. Any comments?
Last edited by ElDrith (09-17-2012 5:12 am)
Offline
#6 09-19-2012 4:03 pm
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Major change mostly at the ending, where i think putting the head down is really weird. Other than that most noticeable changes are at the pupil, less darting and smoother.
Critics are welcome.
Offline
#7 09-22-2012 6:14 pm
- ElPollo
- From: Belgium
- Registered: 09-10-2012
- Posts: 8
Re: September Competition
Hey! I like what you're doing here. I think you should try to slow some of the movements down a bit and make things a little more steady and smooth. Right now I think her head and eyes are moving a bit too much and her fingers do strange things (near the end). Maybe delete some of those movements and have some points where she holds her head still for a while and focuses on something (you already start doing this here and there but might want to push it some more). I understand she's supposed to look nervous but It doesn't feel right just yet... keep it up
Offline
#8 09-22-2012 8:48 pm
- jabobob
- From: UK
- Registered: 08-22-2012
- Posts: 33
Re: September Competition
The character moves far too quickly. The acting choices arent bad, but you need to remove a lot of them. You should decide which poses best convey the emotion and story you are trying to achieve and stick with them. Also think about the rhythm and peaks of the dialogue.
"What then is truth? A movable host of metaphors, metonymies, and anthropomorphisms: in short, a sum of human relations which have been poetically and rhetorically intensified, transferred, and embellished, and which, after long usage, seem to a people to be fixed, canonical, and binding." Friedrich Nietzsche
Offline
#9 09-23-2012 12:44 am
Re: September Competition
Yeah, definitely agree with jabob. Too much going on. I don't know what to look at, especially when she starts gesturing with both hands, my eyes are bouncing all over. You need to focus on an area for your audience to look at, and act within that. You can change the focus, but consciously choose where the audience's eyes should be. My acting teacher would like to refer to charlie chaplin for this a lot, for example, if he wanted to take something out of his pocket, he wouldn't simply just put it in and take it out like a normal person would normally- he put his hand in, and shook it to catch the audience's attention. Obviously you wouldn't go to that extreme here, but this dialogue to me seems it would be a lot more powerful if most of the animation was in the eyes. I liked the nervous wrapping of the fingers, though.
I think you could go tighter on this woman too with the camera. We really don't need to see the blank wall on the left or the empty space on the desk. I think you should somehow fit story in here too, perhaps with some type of prop.. it feels very much like a student exercise when there's nothing else that helps convey some type of story.
Offline
#10 09-23-2012 3:08 am
- babji3
- From: india
- Registered: 04-07-2011
- Posts: 323
Re: September Competition
make her head fluid.
Animation is an art of life.
Offline
#11 09-23-2012 5:18 pm
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Great critiques guys, thanks a lot, been busy with part time past few days, couldnt catch up on this.
@ElPollo; I do agree with the fingers especially the hand doing some weird stuff, will be trying to fix it on the next update! but aye, the eyes are moving too much? cuz i would like to convey a more... nervouse movement.
@jabobob; The first few for the starting part as of the head? also im not very sure of what you're trying to say "peaks of the dialogue"
@babji3; yeap, still playing around with the graphs here, thanks
@Quinnel; the eyes? Okay, will try to put some emotion into that thanks for the tip
Last edited by ElDrith (09-23-2012 5:19 pm)
Offline
#12 09-24-2012 10:15 am
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
A quick update on the head movement and a lil change of camera angle. Critiques are again, welcome

Cheers
Offline
#13 09-24-2012 3:07 pm
- s.mani.1984
- Registered: 09-15-2012
- Posts: 4
Re: September Competition
Hi Eldrith,
When she says "May be tomorrow", it looks as if there is no lip sync, its just moves randomly and very fast too.
Mani
Offline
#14 09-26-2012 10:51 am
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Hey all! This is most probably the last update, and yea im accepting those last minutes critiques or thoughts that you guys have and please do.
Cheers
Offline
#15 09-26-2012 3:15 pm
- auriarvin
- From: Los Angeles
- Registered: 03-02-2012
- Posts: 35
Re: September Competition
If you can find time to tweak the lips on the first and second "maybe", it would really help. Also, around 9 seconds, her pose seems very un-natural the way its looking up past the camera. I would consider tweaking the head position there, or just cut straight to the part where shes looking down and hold that pose a little longer instead. Goodluck!
Last edited by auriarvin (09-26-2012 3:15 pm)
Offline
#16 09-27-2012 3:30 am
- Weiswayne
- From: Malaysia
- Registered: 08-28-2012
- Posts: 18
Re: September Competition
i think you might want to consider about removing some of the poses, especially the part where she said " the right to live a little" she seems to be having too much motion in a very short period of time, which makes it look really unnatural.
2011 reel : https://vimeo.com/28975074
Offline
#17 09-27-2012 6:14 am
- ElDrith
- Registered: 09-09-2012
- Posts: 73
Re: September Competition
Hey guys thanks for the last few replies. Will work on it and hopefully everything goes well with rendering!
Cheers
Offline