#1 08-17-2012 6:49 am

bossfogg
From: San Francisco, CA
Registered: 02-01-2012
Posts: 33

The Last Message (aug WIP)

Hi all!

This is my second attempt to enter in the contest. (last time I wasn't able to finish) So hopefully I'll make my goal this time smile

I took a slightly different interpretation to the audio clip... please let me know if it's working or not!

THE LAST MESSAGE
An aging starship captain sends one last message to his grandson as he prepares to go down with his ship.

Blocking pass:

Direct Link



All comments and criticism are welcome! smile

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#2 08-17-2012 8:38 am

pollywoggles
From: Los Angeles
Registered: 06-24-2012
Posts: 89

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

I avoided reading the description, so I could see if I could make out what was happening in the animation.  I couldn't.   While I thought that maybe "Impact Imminent," might be his ship, but there was a pose where he smirks with a fist raised.  I wondered if he was destroying another ship (his bomb impacting the enemy ship).

I'm also wondering if the animation before the sound is really giving you that much payoff.  I felt like you could have immediately gone into the monologue, amid his dying ship, maybe with a picture of his grandson somewhere so we get context of "when I was little like you..."   

Personally, I would like to feel more loss or regret or longing, as his thoughts go to his grandson -- perhaps combined with his resolve of going down with the ship.


Paul

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#3 08-17-2012 7:17 pm

bossfogg
From: San Francisco, CA
Registered: 02-01-2012
Posts: 33

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

Thanks for the feedback, pollywoggles!  looks like I got to work on making this clearer...

There are two details I neglected to include in my haste to get SOMETHING out there and get feedback.
1) There is a final shot (after the audio) where we see his ship ram an enemy ship (not yet included because I will need to model up some ships)
2) In the third shot the same enemy ship will be visible growing closer in the viewscreen.

Also, your idea of including a picture of the grandson is probably a good one. I originally thought it wouldn't be necessary, but I will give that a try.

As for the regret/longing aspect, I was going for conflicted emotions. He regrets that he won't get to see his grandson again, but this man is a warrior at heart. There is no better way he can think of to die than in a blaze of glory. I shall work on bringing this out in the performance.

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#4 08-17-2012 11:46 pm

pollywoggles
From: Los Angeles
Registered: 06-24-2012
Posts: 89

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

You're definitely ambitious.  It's starting to sound like you're building an animated short.  Given the nature of this competition, and the tight time-line, personally, it might suit you better to have a relatively primitive layout (even just simple cubes), stick with just the 11 seconds, and tell everything through the animation.


Paul

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#5 08-29-2012 2:50 pm

Skyefish
From: South Africa
Registered: 03-24-2012
Posts: 29

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

cool i like it but i agree with the fact that he looks way too happy about dying in the end. rather give him a sad but determined slight smile by narrowing the eyes with sad brows lower lids up. also he has his back turned to us for large part of the dialogue. you are losing a lot of emotion there. i would keep the cam on his face the whole time if i were you. hope it helps and good job so far! :-P


i will sleep when i'm dead :-P

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#6 08-30-2012 7:43 am

bossfogg
From: San Francisco, CA
Registered: 02-01-2012
Posts: 33

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

Thanks pollywoggles and skyefish for the advice!

I wasn't able to make as much progress as I'd have liked for a while, but I have been hard at work the past week trying to catch up. This is where I'm at right now:

Direct Link



I am tackling lipsync and fingers tomorrow (as well as whatever spit and polish I have time for). If anyone has more advice/criticism it is always welcome. This late in the game I won't be able to make major changes, but I am looking for ways to improve what's already there smile

Last edited by bossfogg (08-30-2012 8:12 am)

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#7 08-30-2012 8:51 am

sababa
Superstar!
Registered: 07-01-2011
Posts: 69
Karmojo: 85

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

I got the message without reading the description. I think it's a very good idea and very suitable to the audio. I also think it will be hard to pull it off.

I think what could really sell this scenario is a pose at the end where he is bracing for the impact.


Good luck! Looking forward to the finished piece.


--sababa---
https://www.youtube.com/user/wallaalakefak
____________________--_____---_________

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#8 08-31-2012 11:56 am

Skyefish
From: South Africa
Registered: 03-24-2012
Posts: 29

Re: The Last Message (aug WIP)

Muuuuuuch much better. Really great change in the last expression and I totally feel seeing his face all the time now (if you know what i mean big_smile) Great job! Keep it up tongue


i will sleep when i'm dead :-P

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