#1 08-25-2012 7:36 pm

karenface
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: 07-04-2011
Posts: 6

August competition wip

Hey everyone! This is my first time entering a competition, so i'm not too sure how everything works yet...

This is still very much a wip. The eyes are still in stepped and the second part of my lipsync hasn't been smoothed out yet. Also at the end the camera is gonna pan out and you see that he's drifting through space on that rock (think The Litte Prince).

Any kind of feedback is greatly appreciated!

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#2 08-26-2012 9:47 am

pollywoggles
From: Los Angeles
Registered: 06-24-2012
Posts: 89

Re: August competition wip

Great work so far!!

The eye-brows might be a little wiggly while he is saying, "when I was little like you I dreamt of the stars."  For me, what's making it feel like too much movement, might just be related to when brows do a quick down near at the end of the shot (as he's tapping the star, saying the "I").  I'm wondering if it would look cleaner if you just keep the brows up, without dropping them at that time.

While he is holding the star in his palms, his forearms appear to be creating parallel lines (with a rectangle forming in the negative space).  Visually, with all those lines, the arms look a little inorganic, almost like a fence structure.

It might work to break those parallel lines a little more.   

Actually, on the right arm, from the shoulders and tips of fingers I'm seeing a Z-pattern.   That might be what's helping contribute to the inorganic feel.  All those harsh angles.  I'm wondering if that could be simplified by lining the hand with the forearm (so it forms more of a C or L-pattern instead).


Paul

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#3 08-26-2012 8:56 pm

karenface
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: 07-04-2011
Posts: 6

Re: August competition wip

Thank you so much, that's really helpful!

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#4 08-29-2012 2:08 pm

Skyefish
From: South Africa
Registered: 03-24-2012
Posts: 29

Re: August competition wip

first off great work!! i agree with the above. would just like to add that when he sits down in the end him leaning back so far and then looking straight into the cam looks a bit akward. maybe have him sit back all the way so his feet hang off the sofa and so that he still sits up straight. also i don't think you should make him look at us. maybe make him look up slightly instead. hope it helps :-P


i will sleep when i'm dead :-P

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#5 08-31-2012 6:06 am

karenface
From: Montreal, Canada
Registered: 07-04-2011
Posts: 6

Re: August competition wip

Thanks Skyefish! I already started polishing when I saw you comment though...Would it still look better if he sat back and straighter? I wanted his pose to convey his very overwhelmed and lost mood (if that makes sense).

I haven't finished with all the offsets yet, but how does it look?

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#6 08-31-2012 10:21 am

GFanimation
Participator
From: Port Saint Lucie, FL
Registered: 01-11-2011
Posts: 65
Karmojo: 7

Re: August competition wip

It is coming a long pretty well.  First the camera, the cut is in a really nice place but there is very little difference between the two shots, the second one is just pulled out a little farther.  Move the second camera a few feet higher so we are looking down at the character and have it looking more straight on to him.  Also, he's always bending over, there's no change in his line of action which is what makes things feel a little unnatural. When he says "lived my dream" might be a good place to have him lean to his left (screen right). Watch this video it may explain the point more clearly than I can with a wall of text. 

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Reel: http://www.gfanimation.com

13th Principal of Animation:  SHOOT VIDEO REFERENCE!

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#7 08-31-2012 11:30 am

Skyefish
From: South Africa
Registered: 03-24-2012
Posts: 29

Re: August competition wip

I totally get what you want to do now and in the end its all up to you.
Nice emotion that comes across with the new expressions.
Also love the star. Very Pixar-ish. La Luna right?
Keep up the great work and good luck for the comp! :-P


i will sleep when i'm dead :-P

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