#1 06-26-2007 1:22 pm

murmer
Upstanding Citizen
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: 06-12-2007
Posts: 33
Karmojo: 32

Murmer 'a life do not wish to live'

Hey guys 'n' gals,

I've commented on other peeps work and it would be hypocritical if I didn't post my own.

http://www.vimeo.com/clip:222084/

Please feel free to C&C.

Cheers Murmer


"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes... then you'll have his shoes and be to far away to care".

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#2 06-27-2007 2:29 pm

aja
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Registered: 05-29-2007
Posts: 1311
Karmojo: 35
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Re: Murmer 'a life do not wish to live'

Hey Aidan!  Nice start here.  I like the bit with the cigarette, but I think you're losing it a little in your framing.  I think you could rotate the camera a little to the left, so she's in more of a 3/4 view, that'd help us see the cigarette and also more of her face.  It's hard to say in the blocking, but I think you might have a few too many head movements in there, the big one on "in" is too much too late, you could stop with the pose before it, and her head's moving kind of a lot at the very end, I might keep it still except for her bringing it up to take another drag. 

Otherwise I really like the acting, nice and subtle, and the hand is looking great!  It'll be good to see the next pass on this.

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#3 06-27-2007 4:33 pm

blakboks
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Registered: 06-27-2007
Posts: 25
Karmojo: 47

Re: Murmer 'a life do not wish to live'

Hey murmer,
I agree with Aja about the head movement on 'in', it seems a little strained.  Although, I do like how 'she' looks away on "...I'm living a life I have no wish to live..."  as if she's ashamed.  I don't know if you meant her to be ashamed, but I think it very much works with this audio, and you ought to go a little bit further with it.
-Chris

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#4 06-27-2007 8:46 pm

vm
Model Citizen
From: Bucuresti
Registered: 06-25-2007
Posts: 25
Karmojo: 52

Re: Murmer 'a life do not wish to live'

ya, try to capture those accents, I think there are 2 main accents in this shot. I'm very curious how this will come out. I like the model, hihi.


Virgil Mihailescu
www.virgil.weebly.com

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#5 06-27-2007 11:34 pm

murmer
Upstanding Citizen
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: 06-12-2007
Posts: 33
Karmojo: 32

Re: Murmer 'a life do not wish to live'

hey guys

Thanks for the crits and encouragement.

I agree that the head move on 'in' pops out in the blocking, I think it's there as a reminder to do something with that moment and will probably be much more subtle in the smooth pass.

aja: I hear what you're saying about the framing, and I'll try and get a better angle. Having said that the intention of the framing was so that the character would have a defensive demeanor about them.

blakboks: Thanks for using the word 'ashamed' I don't think I'd labeled how she felt there before, but that really gives it a solid direction. I hope I can build on that.

vm: I think you're right about the 2 main accents: Her first train of thought "living in a town..." and the realization "a life...".


"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes... then you'll have his shoes and be to far away to care".

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