#1 06-21-2007 11:49 pm

AniMauro
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From: Now....Rome, Italy
Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 61
Karmojo: 38

JUNE competition

Hi all...this is my first animation for 11 second club competition...

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is in blocking...time of realization 3 hours...

critic please

thanks

Mauro

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#2 06-23-2007 12:30 am

alexzemke
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From: Orange, CA
Registered: 06-13-2007
Posts: 11
Karmojo: 19

Re: JUNE competition

I like a lot of the acting choices here, but the staging feels empty. If the character were pacing slightly, or otherwise using the space, this much space would feel more natural and appropriate. But because the dialogue is so intimate, and because the character stands in one place, we may simply be too far away from the character. Try tightening in a bit with the camera.


Alex Zemke

"Sleep is for dead people!"

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#3 06-23-2007 1:33 pm

aja
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Registered: 05-29-2007
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Re: JUNE competition

Agreed that you could pull the camera in a little, but this is looking great!  The arm sweep before the gasp could probably start later (and therefore move faster), cause it's gonna look swimmy in splines, same with the head gesture there, she could hold the pose at the end of the first line a little longer, rather than moving into new poses for "I'm living...", it feels a tad bit busy there.  Her head pose on the last "no" is also a bit much, I'd either hold the previous or move into the next pose earlier there, maybe with a little head shake. 

Otherwise the acting is looking good, and you've got some good poses in here.  Watch out for swimmyness as you move into splines, and good luck!  smile

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#4 06-24-2007 9:50 am

AniMauro
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From: Now....Rome, Italy
Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 61
Karmojo: 38

Re: JUNE competition

before your critics, i have try to complete my animation...this is the result

Direct Link



what do you think about this?

I will try to return on blocking fase and follow your advices

thanks :-D

Mauro

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#5 06-25-2007 7:11 am

AniMauro
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From: Now....Rome, Italy
Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 61
Karmojo: 38

Re: JUNE competition

nothing?...

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#6 06-25-2007 12:11 pm

aja
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Re: JUNE competition

Hey Mauro!  I think my previous critiques still stand, the two head gestures I mentioned before look too busy and out-of-place, and need to be toned down more, and the pose on "town" could probably be held more too, since it's not quite working for her to lift her head and shoulders up there, I'm not understanding why she's doing it.  There's a hitch when she says "live in", her body and head get yanked to screen right, they should hold the previous pose until the next, skipping that pose where they move quickly to the right and back. 

The gesture and facial expression on "*gasp*  life..." are working well, very nice, but then it gets busy again after that, she's again moving her shoulders and head up quickly in a way that I don't think it supported by the audio.  And I still think the camera could come in a little closer. 

Good luck, keep going with this!  smile

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#7 06-26-2007 9:04 am

AniMauro
Upstanding Citizen
From: Now....Rome, Italy
Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 61
Karmojo: 38

Re: JUNE competition

Thanks Aja....thank you very much...

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