#1 06-19-2007 3:05 am

MattJ
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From: Melbourne, FL
Registered: 06-18-2007
Posts: 351
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MattJ - June contest

Here is a quick 1st pass.  Would just love to know if you feel its reading ok.

Thanks.

http://artbymatt.wordpress.com/2007/06/19/1st-pass/

Matt -


Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere - Ratatouille
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#2 06-19-2007 5:21 am

eric s
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From: Portland, OR
Registered: 06-14-2007
Posts: 353
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Re: MattJ - June contest

Hey Matt,

I like the subdued nature you're going for here.   The cigarette is a really nice touch, too.   smile  You can do a lot of great secondary action with that.


My biggest comment would be that it feels a little like you have a few too many poses.   I think that you should try to pick to poses and then work those for all that they're worth.    For example, the way you indicate "town" is nice--but it seems to go by really quickly.   I can imagine her holding that "town" pose throughout the first part of that line.   

Then, when she has the cigarette down on the table, I think that's really nice, too...   but again, it seems to be there for only a brief moment.  I'd see if you could get there quicker and then hold it, maybe playing around her her fingers, or her eye direction, maybe she'd direct that part of her line towards the cigarette, as if he were talking to it.

The whole "getting the cigarette out of the pack" thing is a little broad, I think.   My last mentor in school might look at that and say in his Irish brogue "Just get it done with--don't make a meal out of it."   Which, when translated into normal English, means that it's not really that big of an action and so it might not warrant the big moves you're bringing into it.  Just get the cigarette out of the pack and then get the hand down on the table.   smile

My final comment would be to push the camera in really tight.  This is obviously an intense moment for this character--getting that camera closer in, getting rid of all that space around her, will help make us really feel that intensity.

I think that this has great potential for some really subtle acting, and some intense emotion.  I look forward to seeing your next pass!   smile  Good luck!


The world is full of diamonds; go out and find them.

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#3 06-19-2007 6:03 pm

azizk
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Registered: 06-19-2007
Posts: 2
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Re: MattJ - June contest

hey matt.

just watched your blocking.  it looks nice so far. for my taste, the animation is a bit subtle because I like exaggeration in animation.  but since this is a sad and slow audio clip, maybe that's the right thing to do.

but i still think that you should exaggerate the facial expressions a little bit.

about the cigarette detail, I think it's a nice little detail that would give some life to the animation but still, I agree with eric.  it could be a little quicker so it doesn't become the main idea that you're trying to achieve.

keep up, waiting for the final one!

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#4 06-19-2007 11:33 pm

RyanHagen
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Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 1110
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Re: MattJ - June contest

Howdy MattJ,

The cigarette hasn't been used for a while, it's nice to see something like that. As for the poses,  I think you've got the right idea,  to me it feels a bit to all-over the place at the moment,  I would focus a lot  on line-of-action and trying to get interesting poses out a few lines and keep the rest subtle.  I think pushing the facials would help too as azizk stated.  Good work, and there's still time to work on these things,  good thing too, i'll need all of the time I can get(not much!).  Keep rockin'

Last edited by RyanHagen (06-19-2007 11:34 pm)


Ryan
Animator
"Frustration is the handmaiden of creativity" ~ Chuck Jones

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#5 06-20-2007 12:12 pm

aja
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Registered: 05-29-2007
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Re: MattJ - June contest

Great start Matt!  You've already gotten some great crits on this first pass, so I'll hang out and be ready to crit your second pass when you post it!  smile

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