#1 09-12-2016 11:37 pm

Bradley Eden
Registered: 09-12-2016
Posts: 4

Shooting Script Feedback Appreciated

I've written this shooting script what do you think?

Voice 1 and 2 are strolling around in a town having a chat about voice 1 joining the CIA.
You have people talking in the background. Voice 1 is holding coffee and Voice 2 has got their hands in their pockets. The scene in the beginning is in a far away shot, to get a good shot of the town and when they're taking it zooms closer to voice 1 and voice 2.

Voice 1: I mean when I gave up teaching to join the CIA I thought everything was going to be different, I thought I was going to be this amazing spy, I’m just, the same boring person I was before…
Voice 2: Well for what it’s worth, I think you’re brilliant as you are. You’re exciting!

Last edited by Bradley Eden (09-12-2016 11:41 pm)



#2 09-14-2016 11:46 pm

Upright Citizen
Registered: 06-16-2007
Posts: 1282
Karmojo: 48

Re: Shooting Script Feedback Appreciated

So the idea sound good, but I think you could flip flop the action to throw in more contrast.  Have "voice 1" be more melodramatic in her acting and "voice 2" be the more "animated" one.  Giving "voice 2" the coffee instead.  Starting with a wide shot might be trying to do too much for such a short clip, I definitely wouldn't zoom if you do want to do that, I would suggest a simple cut there.  It's got potential!

"Frustration is the handmaiden of creativity" ~ Chuck Jones



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