#1 09-09-2012 2:37 pm

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

September Competition

Hey all! First entry here, and after much thought i finally posted it. This is still going through some detail blocking. So some actions like the left fingers towards the end of the clip is a little off.

Appreciate critiques and feedback.

Thanks!

EDIT: Sorry for the missing video link;

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Last edited by ElDrith (09-10-2012 2:02 am)

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#2 09-09-2012 4:02 pm

wellings
Model Citizen
Registered: 03-17-2009
Posts: 836
Karmojo: 51
Productive!

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#3 09-11-2012 2:56 pm

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

Stepping into the spline stage. Still seemed abit floaty at some parts. Could help with the pin pointing of where it is wink

Thanks

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#4 09-13-2012 6:13 am

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

Hey all! Another update i did. Took me about 1 1/2 hour to plan out the lip sync and stick it to her. Eye ball is still in spline blocking stage wink Improved on the shakiness at the start of the video, looks much better now smile what ya guys think?

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#5 09-17-2012 5:12 am

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

After a long weekend, another update! This time i fixed her bouncy eyeballs which is a real problem in the previous block. And now its less bouncy! Also with the eye lids and also the brow. Brow's something wrong, cant pin point it. Any comments?

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Last edited by ElDrith (09-17-2012 5:12 am)

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#6 09-19-2012 4:03 pm

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

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Major change mostly at the ending, where i think putting the head down is really weird. Other than that most noticeable changes are at the pupil, less darting and smoother.

Critics are welcome.

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#7 09-22-2012 6:14 pm

ElPollo
From: Belgium
Registered: 09-10-2012
Posts: 8

Re: September Competition

Hey! I like what you're doing here. I think you should try to slow some of the movements down a bit and make things a little more steady and smooth. Right now I think her head and eyes are moving a bit too much and her fingers do strange things (near the end). Maybe delete some of those movements and have some points where she holds her head still for a while and focuses on something (you already start doing this here and there but might want to push it some more). I understand she's supposed to look nervous but It doesn't feel right just yet... keep it up

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#8 09-22-2012 8:48 pm

jabobob
From: UK
Registered: 08-22-2012
Posts: 33

Re: September Competition

The character moves far too quickly. The acting choices arent bad, but you need to remove a lot of them. You should decide which poses best convey the emotion and story you are trying to achieve and stick with them. Also think about the rhythm and peaks of the dialogue.


"What then is truth? A movable host of metaphors, metonymies, and anthropomorphisms: in short, a sum of human relations which have been poetically and rhetorically intensified, transferred, and embellished, and which, after long usage, seem to a people to be fixed, canonical, and binding." Friedrich Nietzsche

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#9 09-23-2012 12:44 am

Quinnel
Model Citizen
Registered: 08-10-2010
Posts: 102
Karmojo: 51

Re: September Competition

Yeah, definitely agree with jabob.  Too much going on. I don't know what to look at, especially when she starts gesturing with both hands, my eyes are bouncing all over.  You need to focus on an area for your audience to look at, and act within that.  You can change the focus, but consciously choose where the audience's eyes should be.  My acting teacher would like to refer to charlie chaplin for this a lot, for example, if he wanted to take something out of his pocket, he wouldn't simply just put it in and take it out like a normal person would normally- he put his hand in, and shook it to catch the audience's attention.  Obviously you wouldn't go to  that extreme here, but this dialogue to me seems it would be a lot more powerful if most of the animation was in the eyes.  I liked the nervous wrapping of the fingers, though.

I think you could go tighter on this woman too with the camera.  We really don't need to see the blank wall on the left or the empty space on the desk.  I think you should somehow fit story in here too, perhaps with some type of prop.. it feels very much like a student exercise when there's nothing else that helps convey some type of story.

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#10 09-23-2012 3:08 am

babji3
From: india
Registered: 04-07-2011
Posts: 323
Productive!

Re: September Competition

make her head fluid.


Animation is an art of life.

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#11 09-23-2012 5:18 pm

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

Great critiques guys, thanks a lot, been busy with part time past few days, couldnt catch up on this.

@ElPollo; I do agree with the fingers especially the hand doing some weird stuff, will be trying to fix it on the next update! but aye, the eyes are moving too much? cuz i would like to convey a more... nervouse movement.

@jabobob; The first few for the starting part as of the head? also im not very sure of what you're trying to say "peaks of the dialogue"

@babji3; yeap, still playing around with the graphs here, thanks

@Quinnel; the eyes? Okay, will try to put some emotion into that wink thanks for the tip

Last edited by ElDrith (09-23-2012 5:19 pm)

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#12 09-24-2012 10:15 am

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

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A quick update on the head movement and a lil change of camera angle. Critiques are again, welcome wink

Cheers

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#13 09-24-2012 3:07 pm

s.mani.1984
Registered: 09-15-2012
Posts: 4

Re: September Competition

Hi Eldrith,

When she says "May be tomorrow", it looks as if there is no lip sync, its just moves randomly and very fast too.

Mani

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#14 09-26-2012 10:51 am

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

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Hey all! This is most probably the last update, and yea im accepting those last minutes critiques or thoughts that you guys have and please do.

Cheers

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#15 09-26-2012 3:15 pm

auriarvin
From: Los Angeles
Registered: 03-02-2012
Posts: 35

Re: September Competition

If you can find time to tweak the lips on the first and second "maybe", it would really help. Also, around 9 seconds, her pose seems very un-natural the way its looking up past the camera. I would consider tweaking the head position there, or just cut straight to the part where shes looking down and hold that pose a little longer instead. Goodluck!

Last edited by auriarvin (09-26-2012 3:15 pm)


Animator | Activision | Los Angeles, CA
www.dropr.com/jamesarvin

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#16 09-27-2012 3:30 am

Weiswayne
From: Malaysia
Registered: 08-28-2012
Posts: 18

Re: September Competition

i think you might want to consider about removing some of the poses, especially the part where she said " the right to live a little" she seems to be having too much motion in a very short period of time, which makes it look really unnatural.

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#17 09-27-2012 6:14 am

ElDrith
Registered: 09-09-2012
Posts: 73

Re: September Competition

Hey guys thanks for the last few replies. Will work on it and hopefully everything goes well with rendering!

Cheers

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